Some individuals maintain equilibrium under very trying conditions. These people are able to stay in control of their emotions and make rational and wise choices.

When we lose emotional control, we respond with the fight or flight response. Our brains respond to stress as a perceived danger, with the fight, flight, or freeze effect. When we lose emotional control under stress, we might become angry, withdrawn, or anxious.

Some of us keep it together in one setting and lose it in another. It’s not unusual for kids to be well-behaved in school, and then lose all control the minute they get home. The reverse is also true. Teachers are amazed how some of the most difficult students are like small adults at home, managing younger siblings, preparing meals, and even taking care of sick parents.

Development of emotional control

Emotional control develops in children when their needs are met consistently from a young age. Some children are more easygoing than others. Some can sit in their infant seats and look around while others cry constantly.
Once kids go to school, those who have more emotional control are socially well adapted, and flexible when there are changes in expectations. Those who have less emotional control might have difficulty getting along with others and adjusting to changes around them.
The teen years are a challenge for most kids. The teen brain struggles to manage multiple stressors with a still-developing prefrontal cortex which is overloaded.
In families where adults and children clash frequently because of simultaneous emotional outbursts, home life can be unbearable.

Reflections:
• How well do I cope with stress?
• What are my triggers?
• Where am I when I am triggered?
• What are some measures that I take to manage stress?
• How do my family members support or sabotage each other when challenged by stress?

References:

Emotional Control. In P. Dawson, & R. and Guare, Smart But Scattered Guide to Success (pp. 205-213). NY, NY: Guilford Press.

Greene, R. (2017, September 12). About the CPS Model. Retrieved from Lives In the Balance: http://livesinthebalance.org/about-cps

Links to graphics:

https://www.easel.ly/infographic/musgs3

http://www.toondoo.com/cartoon/11491691

In the next blog post, we’ll talk about beating environmental stress.